There's no better way to start a blog, than a blog entitled "Introduction." So, here I am. I'm beginning this journey with the encouragement of my "life coach." Yes. I have a life coach. Go ahead, and laugh. I would have 8 months ago.
She and I have been meeting weekly since January, and she has made a tremendous impact on my life. She leads me more towards God every week. I wish she could walk by my side every day, telling me what to do, because let me tell you, this woman has it FIGURED OUT. Maybe one day, her identity will be necessary - but for right now, it's irrelevant.
It's no secret in my life that I deal with constant anxiety. Not your run of the mill anxiety, but "drop down to your knees, don't wanna get out of bed, please close the blinds, the light is too bright" anxiety. It sucks. Yep. There's no other phrase for it, but "it sucks." (Well, actually there are plenty of words and phrases, just none that are appropriate for a blog geared toward storming His kingdom with humility).
And the panic attacks. They've actually gotten much better. I've worked so hard on getting them under control and I am so proud of myself - not to toot my own horn in a blog written with humility.
But the anxiety.
Anxiety is an ugly monster, because unlike a broken arm or a physical illness, not many people can tell that you have it unless you either tell them, or just break down in front of them. People cannot see the adrenaline surging through your veins, they cannot see your heart racing at 130 beats per minute. They cannot FEEL the terrifying fears that you fear....(I'll get into those later).
Anxiety is so unfair. It is my thorn in my flesh. And like, Paul, I've begged and prayed, and asked God over and over to remove it. And so far it has not been in His will. So my prayers have changed. I need Him to be strong, because there are times when I am SO weak. Today was absolutely one of those days. I need Him to create beauty from these yucky ashes that are staining my clothes, my heart and my soul. And I need Him to use this part of me to lead more to his glory and grace...with humility.
In this blog, I will write about adventures with my two beautiful girls and my handsome husband. I will write about my ugly past. And I will write about my fears.
And if I can help just one person. One person who struggles like I do, this blog will not be in vain.
I won't be quiet about anxiety anymore. It will not be hidden. I'm not going to avoid people or places, just because I'm nervous. If I have to introduce myself and say "Hi, I'm Lauren, where's your bathroom because I'm afraid I may throw up!" then I will.
Humble for his Glory -
Lauren
