Chocolate Bunnies and Such...

It's a little after midnight, and I'm wide awake, after sleeping for a couple of hours. Eating an entire chocolate bunny.

And my, oh my - is it good.

They told me night shift would do this to me. I'd wake up to what is our "normal dinner time," around 1 am, and be so hungry. Well, it's true and the box with no chocolate bunny is the only evidence.

I figured since I am awake I might as well catch up on my writing about "life." Which is going so well right now. I love my new job, working 3 nights a week, bedside nursing on an oncology unit. It's where my heart belongs. It also gives me so much more time with Sean and the girls, and just time to run errands.
 
Today, Sean and I got the chance to enjoy the Masters. Obviously, to those not from Augusta, you may not appreciate the tradition, but we had a wonderful time sitting on the 16th hole, watching the golfers come through. I do appreciate golf, however, I may actually appreciate people watching a little more.

And who doesn't love the Pro Shop? (We went three times! Yikes!)

It was such a good day.

Tomorrow we plan on taking a trip to the park, after we work on the back yard a little bit.

We are trying to sell our house, so we are completely redoing our entire back yard to make our home  a little more appealing. The more we do to it, though, the more I love it and might not want to sell it. It's just become so "homey." But with me working at a hospital downtown, and starting school in the fall, and with Sean moving back to Burke County, a move is a must. We just live too far away from everything.

I think right now I'm basking in the richness that God has given us. No, not monetary richness, but a happy family making happy memories. Life is so good.

Last week, my oldest little was sick with pneumonia, an ear infection and a stomach virus. She was pitiful, and needed three Rocephin shots to get better (she finally doesn't have a cough for the first time this season, praise God!!). And, in the midst of all that sickness, someone mentioned that "I must be making her sick, for attention." Really? I'm still wondering how you give a child pneumonia. And this person also said "I am going to use your blog against you," or something to that effect.

This blog will not come down. I will not delete entries in fear of retribution, because I believe that God helps us help others by stepping out and being truthful. Yes, I do suffer from panic and anxiety, and I believe that God gives me the Grace to handle it. I think - so far - I've done a wonderful job. You need to look no further than my beautiful daughters, who are growing up to know the Grace of God. They are wonderful girls, both with a deep love for Jesus and their families.

My eyes are getting heavy and I'm praying that the caffeine from that decadent chocolate bunny does not keep me awake. It's time to get back to bed, and maybe have a conversation with God. He is so good to me. (Can I say that again?)

Humbly His -
L.

Today Was a WONDERFUL Day!

Yesterday, I had no faith. I had no idea that I could have a good day. But today wasn't just good. It was wonderful. 

"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." - Psalm 37:4

Last night, I was in bed next to Sean, and couldn't sleep. I decided to get up and go to the couch so that he could sleep peacefully. I looked up desiringgod.org on my phone and started listening to one of John Piper's sermons. I fell right to sleep, listening to the word of God. His Word. I SO love Jesus Christ. He held me in His arms as I slept all night. It was wonderful. Sean gently woke me up at 4, as he was getting ready to go to the gym, and moved me to the bed. I watched the news for about an hour, fell back to sleep for another 30 minutes, and woke up to go to work. 

It. Was. Amazing.

Don't get me wrong, today I worried about my heart, of course, and I worried about all of the things that I had to get done that afternoon.

But I got through the day, doing wall sits after each time I went to the restroom, walking the hall as much as I could, and keeping my heart prayerful.

And all those silly things I was worried about yesterday? Well, Sean's ball game got cancelled. He picked Maris up from his mom, and my mom brought Miles to me. Miles and I went grocery shopping, while Sean cooked dinner. I even had time to put my Engagement Chicken in the crockpot, ready to start cooking in the morning. 

I got to do Yoga, and kiss the girls goodnight. Miles even has her PJ's on inside out with a spoon under her pillow, in hopes of snow! (Fingers Crossed!)

I am so joyful, if I wasn't already in bed, I would dance around the room.

Praising God for a day, for the Grace, to get me through the panic - with joy. With happiness. With love.

I hope you had a wonderful day as well.

Time for bed. Thank you, my Lord.

Humbly His,

L.

Why Am I Always So Scared?

I'm sitting here, watching the Oscars while on Facebook, trying to take my mind off of the pain in my left shoulder and jaw. I'm dizzy and I feel frustrated. Once again, I have no idea why God chose THIS to be my thorn. I know that people want me to quit complaining, to give it a rest. And Lord knows, I want this as well.

It's just not that easy. I'm tired. Not sleepy tired, but my body is just tired. I didn't do much today, but go to church, clean out my drawers, and do a little yoga.

I can't believe there is another work week facing me already. With Sean coaching baseball now, I'm having a hard time finding a balance. I know he loves it, so I absolutely encourage it, but I'm overwhelmed with the thought of getting off of work, picking up both girls, going to the grocery store, cooking dinner, bathing the girls and getting them off to bed before he gets home.

That's it.

I'm tired just thinking of what tomorrow will bring. But won't tomorrow take care of itself? Won't God go before me? Why don't I trust that? Why am I always so afraid that I will not get everything done?

And even more, why am I so afraid of EVERYTHING?

Can you tell it's one of those days? So let's lift each other up. In all of our trials and tribulations, God is with us, will go before us, and give us tomorrow.

Tomorrow will be beautiful.

Humbly His-
L.

A Little Break from Writing...

I have been so busy lately, that I really have not had time to keep up with the blog. I'm hoping that will change, now.

The past two weeks have been super stressful for my family and I, but we have been blessed and God has continuously gone before us. We praise Him.

Sean was asked to return to Burke County High School (yay, Sean!). This is such a compliment to Sean, because Burke County has the strongest football program in our area. The only problem is - it's about an hour and 15 minutes away from our house.

He doesn't mind the commute, but there was absolutely no way I could continue working the hours that I am working, being on call 24/7, and driving the commute I drive five days a week. So, I had to resign from my position and find another job. Luckily, University Hospital had an opening and chose me immediately. Another way God went before us.

I am so sad to leave Shepeard. I loved working with such a small company, because it does become a second family. But I honestly saw my children for maybe an hour and a half each night, and then time for bed. I am looking forward to this summer, where I can take Miles and Maris to the pool on the week days while Sean is out in Burke County for football practice.

Yes, I will be working nights. Yes, I know it will be hard. Yes, that gives me even more reason to push myself.

And everyone knows how I adore oncology patients. They fight the hardest battles, and I learn so much from their struggles, and their victories. I love watching God go before them.

Even though the weeks have been stressful, I have only had one little meltdown last Wednesday. I got news I didn't want and it has left me feeling a little empty. I know that my family will overcome, but I will push through it. Maybe I will write more about it later, maybe I won't.

I've become a little more private recently, and I think that is okay. I still want to be available to help people who suffer from anxiety and panic. The more people I can help, talk things out with, the more I heal myself. I am becoming stronger.

I'm on a health kick, drinking an orange juice and apple cider vinegar tonic everyday, and doing yoga at least five days per week. I've definitely been more prayerful.

For some reason, something is weighing heavy on my heart. I've searched and cannot find out quite what it is yet, but am praying that I will be relieved of it soon. I'm sure God is going before in me in whatever this is, as well.

I hope to be back tomorrow.

Prayerfully HIS.
-L