A Family in Transition

"We want big directional signs from God. God just wants us to pay attention." - Lysa Terkeurst

I. Am. Exhausted.

E.X.H.A.U.S.T.E.D.

It all started yesterday, around 3 in the afternoon. I was sitting at my desk at work, so excited about the weekend ahead. Five day weeks are so long. Two day weekends are SO short. So we try to pack as much love and life into every weekend as possible, beginning Friday evenings.

Miles (my oldest little) was invited to a birthday party at her favorite place on Friday afternoon. We had talked about it all week, and I was ready to rush home, pick her up, and run her back down to every childs favorite pizza/token/music/rides wonderland. And then I got a call from my mom.

Miles had not only hit Maris (my youngest little), but she had also hit another child at the "in home daycare" she stays at during the work days. My heart broke right there, as I stared into a computer screen full of e-mails I had yet to delete.

Why?

For some reason, lately, Miles has become very angry, lashing out at people - especially her little sister. Obviously, anyone who has ever had a younger sibling knows that there is always jealousy. But lately it's gotten way out of hand. And to hit another child, who is two years younger than she, and who would never hurt her.

I also have to say that Miles is a precious child. Last night, I watched her sit next to another little girl at Sean's football game and ask her if she'd like to have some of her cotton candy. And she shared and always offered more. This small child has a big heart.

And then there's today. Where she's been defiant and hurtful and refusing to listen to anything Sean or I say.

And I'm tired.

Not this week, but the next, we plan that Miles will start a K 3 - with children her own age. I am nervous, but hopeful that she will begin to develop better coping skills, because I think that maybe....just maybe, Miles is learning how to cope.

She realizes that both Maris' mommy and daddy live together. But she only has her mama. And we can play up (and truly believe) that Miles is Sean's bonus daughter, that he loves her and would give up anything for her - but that only goes so far in her own mind. She knows that her real dad lives 3 hours away (by plane) and that she doesn't get to see him very often.

So in the midst of my anxiety, I am searching everywhere for answers. I search in the Bible, I search in books, I pray and ask God to just give me answers. But what God really wants is for me to pay attention. Very close attention.

I pray that Miles knows that she is so very loved. And that she finds better ways to deal with what will be her life for the next 14 years. My biggest prayer, however, is that she always know Christ - and His will for her. And that she has tons of people behind her, praying her through this life.

I'm paying attention, God. I will be patient with my child, and love her, love both of them. I am so thankful that You have entrusted me with these two. I love them with all of my being. Just give me the answers when You are ready, and please bless us along the way.

Humbly His,
L.