I remember the day like it was yesterday. December 7, 2010. I was getting ready and my golden retriever, Scout, looked up at me as if to ask, "Mama, when is that baby coming?" Little did I know she would come that very day.
I arrived at my doctors appointment for my second non stress test and biophysical profile. I wasn't measuring quite 36 weeks, but I was exactly 39 weeks pregnant. I wasn't so nervous, this little girl had scored perfectly on her first.
I kicked my feet up and sat back in the chair. My contractions were regular, but not strong enough to indicate labor. My mema was with me. We chatted, and every time I felt that little one kick, I pressed a button. I didn't press that button very often. The tech brought me a coke to drink, to try to get her to move a little more. Didn't happen. They took the monitors off of me.
I went to another room for a detailed ultrasound. The ultrasound technician had the best poker face. "Well, it looks like she scored may have scored a 6 out of 10, but I'm leaning toward giving her a 4 out of 10 because she wasn't moving as much as we would like at this time."
Hold up. A 4? Out of 10? What's going on with this baby?
I put my clothes on and was taken to the exam room. My doctor walked in, as calm and collected as he always is. "Lauren, I think we're going to have a baby today."
But, I wasn't in labor. I still had another week. I didn't even have my bags packed!
"She needs to come today. She's stopped growing, and you're not growing. We can start you on a Pitocin drip and try to induce, but I'm afraid that would cause her distress. I think the safest thing for your baby is an emergency C-section."
"Of course. Do whatever is best for my baby," I stuttered.
My baby.
I got dressed and went to check in downstairs. I started tearing up, as my blessed mema, who had been by my side since day one, made the appropriate phone calls. There I was, excited as could be, but also as nervous as could be - surgery just sprung on me out of nowhere. But I couldn't wait to see that beautiful face that had laid near my heart for the past 9 months.
I remember people coming in and out of my room. I remember the nurses having the hardest time finding a vein for an IV. I remember pictures being taken and the surgical techs coming to get me. And I remember being terrified.
As soon as I was rolled into that cold, stark white room, I remember nothing but fear. The surgical techs were wonderful at taking my mind off of the actual surgery, but I began shaking uncontrollably. I'm not sure if it was nerves or the temperature, but the tremors were frightening. And the spinal block was placed, I was laid back and the curtain was pulled up. My chest and arms were strapped to the operating table. Just putting it into words make my stomach turn.
My sweet, docile doc talked me through the entire process. He explained everything that he was doing.
"I should have her out in less than two minutes, Lauren. Just relax."
And then, there she was. Her beautiful cry. She was absolutely the most stunning creature that I had ever seen. She was laid next to me, and the tears of joy started pouring from my eyes.
And I don't remember much after that. My doctor had instructed the anesthesiologist to give me something to help me relax and sleep as soon as I saw her. I did relax, but I didn't sleep. For two days, I didn't sleep.
I was so thankful to be released from recovery to snuggle that sweet baby girl.
Miles Usry - the most beautiful girl in the world, my precious gift from God.
That evening I remember vividly. It can probably be remembered as the most special night of my life. My mama stayed with me, making a bed on the couch. Everyone had been gone for over an hour. Sweet Miles was lying in the bassinet next to my bed.
"Lauren, she is sleeping, it's time for you to sleep." I know my mom must have made that command no less than four times that night.
"Mama, I'm not tired."
"You are going to be exhausted. Just get some sleep."
I flipped through the news channels as mama dozed. I looked over at the sweet face, the one that had made me a mama. I silently thanked God, for both girls on either side of me.
CNN announced the news that one of my favorite women in the public eye, Elizabeth Edwards, had lost her battle to a disease my mom fought only years before. I think, that very moment, I realized just how blessed I was, and am, in this life.
I laid my head to the side, afraid to move, because the block was slowly wearing off. I fell into the twilight sleep when Miles let out a strong cry. It was time for her to eat. And eat she did, earning (much to my chagrin) the nickname "Miss Piggy" by the nursery nurses. How dare them call this petite 6 lb 4 oz baby a pig? My mom still laughs at how angry this made me.
My mom jumped up, immediately after hearing her cry and helped put her in my arms so she could eat. And when she finished, she told me once again, "Lauren, go to sleep, the sun's about to come up."
My mama fell back to sleep and I reached over to grab that sweet, sleep drunk baby and cuddled her in my arms. I breathed in her smell. I rubbed her tiny feet. And on the 6 o'clock news, a church was trying to raise money to give a former patient the best Christmas ever, because it was to be her last. She was only 23 and she was dying. Tears slid down my cheeks, and I wiped them away before I soaked my child. And I watched the sun rise.
So much joy, and so much sadness.
This would be a preface to my life, from then on, as I knew it.
I would spend two full days in the hospital and then was released to go live as a mama.
A blessed mama. The beginning of my love story.
This is "The Grace."
Humbly His,
L.
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