Frustration/Disappointment

"(Moses') anger burned and he threw the tablets out of his hands, breaking them to pieces at the foot of the mountain." - Exodus 32:19

Have you ever been so frustrated with someone/something, that you wanted to break things?

Ha. I have.

This life is so full of disappointments. And frustrations. And anger. And bitterness.

Oh, the bitterness has been eating away at me this week. I've always heard the saying "Not forgiving someone, is like drinking poison and expecting them to die." I'm sure I totally messed that up, but you get what I'm saying.

I have been drinking that poison, all week long. I have felt hurt and anger and bitterness and frustration. And disappointment. All of these emotions, in the same 30 seconds.

How can people be so unkind?

The lesson I have learned this week has been to let go of expectations. Once you "expect" someone to do something, you're immediately disappointed when they don't follow through. And that failure to follow through can cause some kind of hurt.

I will be honest with you, I have the HARDEST time forgiving people. If you've done something to hurt me, you will probably know it. And I may not trust you again for awhile.

This is just another quality about myself that I am trying to change. I mean, how can I truly call myself a Christian if I don't learn to forgive? If I don't learn to let go of those expectations?

Like Moses, I get mad and I throw and break things (not really, but you get my point). Why am I not showing The Grace to others? Jesus hung upon that cross, so that we may have new life in Him. That's some awesome grace. And I can't forgive a little bit of rudeness, disappointment, unkindness? Where is my heart?

Not in the right place obviously.

My family is exhausted. It's time to crawl in to bed, and let my husband know how much I love him after a devastating loss. Maybe tomorrow, I can find The Grace....and learn to forgive.

Right now, it's time to say my prayers, and sleep with the thought of my Master holding my heart in his hands.

Humbly His,
L.