Mornings are so hard for me. I'm the worst morning person ever. My husband told me that he was going to call those that I work with, and warn them to give me an hour before they talk to me, because I truly don't wake up until about 10 a.m.
It's true. I was always a morning person in college. I LOVED getting up early, arriving at a local downtown coffee shop right when it opened, getting a cup of coffee on a cold, rainy day, and drinking that warm syrup and studying in the smoke filled room. Yes, the coffee shop I studied at was a coffee shop/bar. But it was mostly a bar. I think maybe me and one other person studied there. And we became fast friends. I wonder what happened to him? Or all of those downtown people I used to hang out with?
I'm getting old.
Where was I going with this? Oh, yes.
The morning person thing ended when my anxiety began. As I've stated before, mornings are hardest for me. I wake up with tremors, shaking violently. It's literally the scariest thing ever. Every night, I usually listen to the broadcast of "Focus on the Family," and last night they featured a woman who suffered from severe anxiety. I almost began weeping when she described her panic. I felt like she was describing my life. I'm really not alone.
But I, for sure, am a bear in the mornings. And sometimes, lately it seems, people have said some not so nice things to me lately. In the morning. Not a good combination.
So, ladies, let's talk weight. I read so many blogs about women trying to get healthy/get in shape, and lose weight and gain muscle mass. Well, I'm doing my best to get healthy, and get in shape as well. And I'm also trying to gain muscle mass. The only difference between you and me, is that I'm trying to GAIN weight. Yes, I'm 5 feet 6 inches and I weigh 107.3 lbs (as of last Friday). And I'm beyond tired of hearing, "Lauren, eat a hamburger."
Really? You think one hamburger is going to do it? I'd eat a thousand double cheeseburgers if it would help me gain weight, and NOT clog my arteries. But it won't.
You should have seen how much pot roast I put down Thursday night. And macaroni and cheese. And green beans. Don't forget the rolls. God bless Wife Saver.
When I turn down cookies at different places, people think it's because I'm watching my weight. Nope. I don't like cookies. Nor am I a huge fan of chocolate. I do love a good milkshake, but I don't like ice cream. I'd much rather have my salty than my sweet.
I've read blog after blog about progress people have made while trying to lose weight, and how they feel so good when their old jeans fit.
I cried yesterday when I put my birthday outfit on. I looked like a skeleton with the clothes draped awkwardly on my bones. The wrinkles on my face and neck are the worst. My collarbones protrude and my shoulder blades stick out. My belly is bloated because of digestive issues I have due to anxiety. I totally know how good it feels when your clothes actually fit.
I really don't like myself right now. My days may be good, I may have windows, and I know that I feel God walking along side of me. But that doesn't change what I see in the mirror, or in photographs.
So if I'm wearing an oversized shirt, or pants that don't fit quite right, please don't tell me that I need to gain weight. Don't assume that I'm anorexic, or that I don't eat. I know I MUST gain weight - for my health. My doctor told me that even with my stomach issues, I cannot afford to lose any more weight. So, I'm trying. I really am.
Just like you wouldn't call an overweight person "fat," please don't call an underweight person "skinny." Especially if she's not a morning person.
Humbly His,
L.
"Let all that I am praise the Lord..." - Psalm 104
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